Amore per la Scienza
My name is Caroline. I will be more than happy to answer any and all of your, legally acceptable, questions.

[Rp/Ask blog for Caroline [REDACTED]
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When life gives you lemons by Super-Cute

((The picture has a click-through link set to it. I did attempt to source but for some reason the click-through isn’t functioning properly. I even went back to edit and it presented me with a link already pasted in.

I’ve now added the source in the comments section as well as the click-through link sourcing back to the original image on deviantart.

This is a rp account. Please don’t namecall for something I didn’t realize was happening and blaming me for something I did attempt to do.

The original post has been updated.))

Anonymous :  INCOMING MESSAGE *BZZZT* retty bad and orders are coming down to pull out; repeat, pull out! Apparently they have other plans with *BZZT* now; if you can make your way through the transit system you can probably reach t WARNING YOU ARE GOING TO BE DISCONNECTED IN 3 are pull 2 out 1 YOU HAVE BEEN DISCONNECTED

I’m not entirely sure what to make of this message.

I’m fairly sure it’s from our ‘Search and Rescue’ division, but I’m not entirely sure from where or when this was sent. It’s a possibility that the lines got crossed somewhere.

I will be sending a secondary team out to the construction site to see if that’s this message origin.

Sincerely, Caroline

Anonymous :  Mrs. Caroline i just realized something. In my time your an anthropomorphic doe. And you had a sister, so i'm guessing that your the 50s Caroline right? So [DATA EXPUNGED] Hasn't Happened yet?


An anthropomorphic doe? As interesting as that would be, I would have to confirm that I am, indeed, human and that I do not have a sister.

1960’s, actually, just rolled over. I’m not entirely sure what the end of your message was, but I’m not entirely sure I should pry.

Sincerely, Caroline

Anonymous :  Hello Mrs. Caroline! Just recently I found a aperture site is it ligit. (In binary) 01101000011101000111010001110000001110100010111100101111011000010111000001100101011100100111010001110101011100100110010101110011011000110110100101100101011011100110001101100101011000010110111001101110011001010111100001100101011001000110010101101110011100100110100101100011011010000110110101100101011011100111010001100011011001010110111001110100011001010111001000101110011101110110010101100010011100110010111001100011

The website redirects here, but I’m not so sure I recognize the page coding or this supposed Greg Pendleton, ‘official’ assistant to Cave Johnson.

While I get an investigative team on this website, I would ask that you not interact with it in any way. It could cause a paradox, the likes of which might destroy one, if not both facilities.

Sincerely, Caroline

Anonymous :  What's the dirtiest insult you're allowed to say when you're on the job?

To be fair, I never play my insults ‘dirty’. 

A good insult has to mean something, it has to feel like a crisp slap with a velveteen glove. An insult should leave a person in a state of shock until it sets in and they realize just how worthless your words ultimately made them feel.

But, to answer your question [Subject Name Here], due to Human Resources, we’re not legally allowed to name-call at all. Even a simple ‘idiot’ could get you a write up.

Sincerely, Caroline

Anonymous :  Mrs. Caroline I specifically remember you escorting me down to the F-Stop track. And the year is 3013 right?

This message has seemed to slip by me, but I’m fairly sure I remember who could be sending this.

While it’s a relif to know that, presumably through the work of some pretty intensive Science, I’m still kicking around in 3013, I can’t say that I’m quite the Caroline you’re thinking of. 

We’re at a year-gap of 1054 years, soon to be 1053. 

Hopefully the dispatch coding is still viable and you’re rescued shortly. 

Sincerely, Caroline


From the desk of Caroline:

It’s come to my attention that I’ve completely forgotten to send out a well-wishes! As I’m typing this, I am in the safety of my office and the comfort of some Brandy. Due to the ongoings of the past couple years, I wont be joining in the festivious party, but I’ll be enjoying the Holidays from the confines of my personal quarters.


There are cakes and desserts in the North Sub-Bathysphere Production Floors in East-Wing F-5, RM.413 as well as regulation alcohols and festivious activities! 

Tonight is a night of non-discriminatory celebration! Enjoy, eat, drink, and be Merry! 

It doesn’t hurt that tonight is a paid vacation for all staff. No science tonight ha ha ha!

Sincerely, Caroline

News: Floor Closures - Emergency Aid Available

From the desk of Caroline:

As of 03:05 hours this morning, floors S-8 through U-12 have been temporarily closed. This, unfortunately, means that the Cafeteria and several of the Staff Bedroom Wings are restricted until further notice.

Investigations are under way to find the cause of a rampant fire that started somewhere in the West Wing of floor T-10, but there is no definitive answer at this point.

Aperture Science Innovators Incorporated would like to apologise for any personal belongings damaged, burnt, lost, phased out of reality, stolen, or forgotten during this troubling shift.

There will be temporary housing in the North Sub-Bathysphere Production Floors in East-Wing F-5. This is also where a temporary kitchen has been set up to allow our valued Staffers to enjoy a hot meal.

There have also been Aperture Science Innovators Incorporated Vouchers attached to each of your Personal Tabs to allow for 20 free meals as our way of apologising.

We are also still looking for volunteers for the Aperture Science Innovators Incorporated Holiday Celebrations Committee! It’s about that time of the year again and with the way this year’s been, we want to be able to throw you all a wonderful and safe party to unwind to! 

If you are interested in being on the Committee, please contact Mr. Stacey Kubric, ext. +7215, and he will submit your application! 

Sincerely, Caroline

Anonymous :  I have good news and bad news. Bad news: I can't find any legit Aperture Science products for sale anywhere except for reproductions, kid's toys, or collectibles (i.e. Aperture Science-branded polos and mugs, toy turrets,etc). Good news: I can't find any Black Mesa products for sale anywhere except for a couple of things with their logo and some stuff that memorializes a fictional employee. There is more, better, Aperture Science merchandise.

I would assume you are from the future, only on the pretences that (As far as I know) we don’t have any licensed ‘kid-friendly’ toys or collectables being made at the moment. 

The only publicly traded goods we have are military, a comprehensive list of which I’m not liable to release.

It is nice to know that Black Mesa isn’t nearly as popular as our future corporate, though.

Sincerely, Caroline

Anonymous : guys doing science on distant planets yet?

I’m not entirely sure I’m able to reveal that particular set of information, but the Copernicus has sent message of a successful launch and stabilization from it’s current coordinates and all seems to be going well.

We are actually working closely with the United States Government to build a manned exploratory vessel to the Moon! Can you believe it? Oh, it makes me excited just to imagine it.

I believe, if I’m not wrong, they’re expecting to reach it by the end of the decade.

Sincerely, Caroline

Anonymous :  Is it just me or have I been smelling nachos and burnt popcorn on this entire floor for the past hour?

It’s not just you.

Actually, this leads in well to my scheduled announcement.

Please keep an open eye [Subject Name Here], I will have an explanation posted shortly.

Sincerely, Caroline

Anonymous :  Why hasn't anybody came down to the F-STOP test track. I've been down here for five days. Can you send someone.


We aren’t even in the alpha stages of testing with the ‘F-Stop’ design, so I’m not entirely sure why you’ve been recruited to test it when it’s still mostly in it’s concept phase.

Your I.P. has been tracked and there will be an Employee Escort Team arriving to your location shortly.

Please contact Ms. Elizabeth Muller in Staffing Resources, ext. +4961 for all inquiries about emotional reimbursement.

Sincerely, Caroline

Anonymous :  What do we do if there is a A.I with plans to take over somebody close to the CEO. (Just a rhetorical question not like anything has happened down here)

Well, that sounds like quite the situation you’ve gotten your hypothetical self in, there, [Subject Name Here]

As we perfect our AI Staffing Units, we’ve come up with a few good ways to beat them.

Firstly, rhetorical questions- conundrums, unsolvable riddles, paradoxes. The way their brains are hardwired, or at least the ones we have, they need to process things in an organized fashion, string by string, and when they encounter these thing and can’t think past them, well! Their ‘brains’ just’ can’t take it and they self-corrupt.

Secondly, convince them that they don’t exist. This is in the same thread as the ‘paradox’ method, but if you can convince an AI that they’re not really real, they will start thinking they’re not and subsequently shut down.

Thirdly, I would get some water on that AI’s motherboard. Or, maybe, some sort of semi-viscous fluid that’ll get in there and really gunk it up!

Sincerely, Caroline

asktheassistantcaroline :  It's been a long time. How have you been?



"Why hello Ms. Caroline! My it has been awhile. I’ve been well, and you?"

"No very no, just trudging alone. Making due."

Making due is better than not.

At any rate It’s good to hear from you again. Keep up the good work, Dr.Wyatt. :)

Sincerely, Caroline

asktheassistantcaroline :  It's been a long time. How have you been?


"Why hello Ms. Caroline! My it has been awhile. I’ve been well, and you?"

I’ve been alright! Almost all of my memory has returned and I’ve been keeping busy at my work.

How about you, Dr. Wyatt? Have you done anything interesting?

Sincerely, Caroline