While I would personally love to assist you in your vain endeavours, we do have a Beauty and Health department that deals with these sort of cosmetic changes.

Please contact Mr. Riley [REDACTED], ext. +2164, and tell him you would like the “Augmentition” package.

Aperture Science Innovators Incorporated is not liable for any extra assets that may or may not appear on a persons body after Augmentition.

Sincerely, Caroline 

Anonymous Question: How many licks?

See the above. 

Caroline 

To quote the best possible source:

”Tootsie Gallery: How Many Licks Does It Take?

The Licking Machine and Other Scientific Endeavors
At least three detailed scientific studies have attempted to determine the number of licks required to reach the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.

Purdue University
A group of engineering students from Purdue University reported that its licking machine, modeled after a human tongue, took an average of 364 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Twenty of the group’s volunteers assumed the licking challenge-unassisted by machinery-and averaged 252 licks each to the center.

University of Michigan
Not to be outdone by a Big Ten rival, a chemical engineering doctorate student from the University of Michigan recorded that his customized licking machine required 411 licks to reach the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. (411-364. Go Blue!)

Swarthmore Junior High School
Rejecting the notion that one needed active college status to undertake the Tootsie Pop licking challenge, a group of junior high students at Swathmore School used human lickers, reporting an average of 144 licks to reach the center of a Tootsie Pop.

Based on the wide range of results from these scientific studies, it is clear that the world may never know how many licks it really takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.”

Did that answer your question?

Sincerely, Caroline 

Well, first you smart, then you equipment, and then you science! Easy as π.

Sincerely, Caroline

While I would love to answer that, I have been informed that releasing my last name could very well upset the future, for some reason or another. 

I will have to give you a very vague possibly.

Sincerely, Caroline 

From the desk of Caroline:

It’s about that time again, staff!

Time to give back to the community that houses you and feeds your creative minds infinite banquets of scientific knowledge! This Saturday, April 23rd, we’ll be having a “Fun Day” to promote a healthy economic standing within out little underground village. We’ve lined up Vendors from some local department stores to set up shop in Lobby Wings A-C starting at 6AM, as well as some Aperture Science Innovators Incorporated-brand “Fun-Stations” set up for your playing pleasure!

There will be rotating shift breaks starting in Experimental Laboratory A-01-A that will cycle in 2-hour periods until the end of the work-day. 

If you’re unsure what section you work under, or if you get curious as to what your Mandatory Time Off will be, please contact Ms.Elizabeth Muller, Staffing Resources, ext. +4961 for your schedule!

Happy Shopping!

Sincerely, Caroline

From the desk of Caroline, 

It is my pleasure to extend out a, very elated I might add, hello to all of you here in the future-web! It seems, because of a breach in protocol and safety, a handful of employees (and some of the mechanized staff) had contracted something we were referring to as “Technodecomposition”. 

It’s been a long recovery period, and it’s taken up quite a lot of our funding, but it does seem like (most) of us afflicted have returned to our normal state. More or less, haha.

Waiting for replacement limbs to be synthesized seemed to take the longest amount of down-time, and the largest drain on corporate funding; but as of now, I would like to happily announce that Aperture Science Innovators Incorporated is fully operational!

I might not be as active on here as I would like, but I’m still in quite a deal of pain and going through some (minor) rehabilitation for learning how to use all of my new parts properly, haha. But! My ask-box is open, and I am here to help with any inquiries or general craziness you wonderful future-people can throw my way!


Sincerely, Caroline

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[WARNING: CLICK-THROUGH IMAGE IS GORY. The preview image has no blood or  Biofluid, but the full-size has a LOT. Just keep that in mind!

                        Caroline and Buddy have had better days….

Happy Halloween! This Halloween event was a little last-minute, but I sure had fun! Thank you for participating in the Aperture Science Technodecomposition Virus Halloween Event 2012!! 

http://aperturetvirus2012.tumblr.com/  Password: RobotZombiesAhh

Aperture T VIRUS 2012 blog will be updated with A-03 some time tomorrow. It will also be the hub for the updates relating to The Cure.

Tomorrow Aperture Science Innovators is going to launch a counter-virus. There will be a couple days of recovery, but things will go back to normal. Thanks to all the blogs who participated, and all the people who viewed it!



HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! ] 

totallynotablackmesaspy:

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totallynotablackmesaspy:

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110

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